Free to Read: "Karl Marx Is Laughing at Us"
Sometimes, there’s a news story that sparks inspiration. Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter the other week got my gears turning, and I wrote a little ditty that’d like to share. I hope it inspires a few laughs. Enjoy!
Karl Marx Is Laughing at Us
By Thomas Broderick
With special permission from Almighty God, I received an afterlife visitor’s pass to speak with the one-and-only Karl Marx.
First off, no, Karl Marx is not in Hell, but you wouldn’t know it at first glance. The Almighty thought it appropriate that he spend eternity doing what he did best – performing research in a cramped library, smoking cheap cigarettes, and passing gas.
I quickly discovered that since his death in 1883, Karl Marx has kept writing - each book, essay, letter, and pronouncement based on the information he reads from half-a-dozen daily newspapers.
“How goes the world?” The famed German political scientist cleared books off a chair so I could sit.
“So, so, much.” My voice was full of weariness and worry. “The world’s richest man is up to no good.”
“That Elon fellow?” He offered me a cigarette. I didn’t smoke, but who would refuse such an offer!?
“Yes. He just spent a Mansa Musa amount of money buying millions of people’s means of communication. And now he’s destroying it.”
Karl Marx reached for the newest newspaper and started reading. He erupted in a fit of laughter and flatulence upon finishing the front page.
I pinched my nose. “What’s so funny?”
“Everything, my boy! Everything! No matter how many times I’m proven right, you people love doubling down on capitalism.”
“But can anything be done?”
Karl Marx composed himself and lit another cigarette. I could tell he was thinking very deeply. I prepared myself to accept the wisdom that might change the world for the better.
“Nah.”
I got up in a huff. “Oh, fuck you, Karl Marx.”
“Don’t be mad.” He grinned. “Here, a parting gift.” He handed me a stack of books bound together with a leather belt.
I resisted the urge to beat him to a pulp and left the afterlife enraged.
That was a week ago, and if any political scientists, historians, or economists are interested, I have Capital Vol. IV-VII sitting in my garage. The smell of cigarettes and farts has mostly dissipated.